Relationships are built on love, trust, mutual respect, and a little give and take. No relationship is perfect, with almost all having their own set of flaws. While compromises are a part of every relationship, some behaviors can exacerbate and turn toxic. It’s important to keep an eye out for such warning signs.
To help you out, here’s a list of some of the biggest red flags in a guy that you should take note of to avoid future troubles.
What Are Red Flags, And How Can You Identify Them?
Red flags are essentially warning signs of trouble. These can come in the form of troubling behavior and actions that often makes you uncomfortable, fearful, or anxious.
The most common red flags are controlling and manipulative behavior, jealousy, and in extreme cases, physical and verbal abuse. While some problematic behaviors can be addressed and worked upon, it is equally important for women to know when they need to put themselves first and leave a toxic relationship.
You will when the red flags are truly destructive to your relationship when you don’t feel safe with the person you are with or feel controlled in every aspect of your life. When you feel disrespected and uncared for, it’s time to take a good hard look at your relationship.
25 Biggest Red Flags In A Guy You Should Never Ignore
#1. Love Bombing
Did your relationship go from going for a movie date to talking about moving in and getting married seemingly overnight? When your partner pushes a relationship to move too fast too soon, it’s a sign of trouble.
Some major signs include overwhelming you with over-the-top gifts, being overly clingy and needy, giving you that soulmate speech in the first week of your relationship, or claiming that they can’t live without you. Love bombing can be subtle, but it is a major red flag in a relationship.
#2. Trash-Talking Their Previous Partner
Not all relationships end amicably. There can sometimes be ill feelings towards exes, which is completely understandable. But if your boyfriend describes all his previous partners as “crazy” and puts all the blame on them for why the relationship failed, it should raise eyebrows. It shows that your partner does not acknowledge his own faults and has no sense of accountability.
#3. Being Rude To People In The Service Industry
If your boyfriend treats servers, bartenders, or drivers rudely, it says a lot about his character. This entitlement may come from his position or financial status and shows that he thinks of others as inferior to him.
#4. Angry Outbursts
If your partner cannot manage his emotions and gets into fits of rage over the smallest issue, it’s a major red flag for potential abuse. Regardless of why he is angry and if he has a reason to be, anger outbursts should not scare or worry you. If they do, it’s time to have a serious talk and suggest anger management therapy.
#5. Substance Or Alcohol Abuse
Drug and alcohol dependency is a complicated problem. Sometimes, they can be addressed through rehab and therapy. However, if your boyfriend shows no signs of stopping and refuses to get help or even acknowledge the problem, it’s time to leave.
Unless you both have agreed to have an open relationship, cheating has no room in a relationship. Infidelity, both emotional and physical, is the worst kind of disrespect. However, if you think your partner truly regrets his actions and is willing to work on the relationship, it’s entirely up to you to decide whether you want to give him a second chance.
This can be in the form of guilting you, threatening self-harm, or even gaslighting you. Manipulative behavior can be extremely toxic and can easily cross the line to abuse.
#8. He Makes All The Decisions For You
If you can’t even have a cup of coffee with a friend or go for a girl’s night out without his permission, you need to start thinking about your relationship carefully. Controlling behavior is often among the first steps of an abusive relationship.
#9. He Is Not Liked By Your Family And Friends
If most of your family members and friends have expressed their concerns about him, perhaps you need to consider their opinions. They may be noticing some alarming signs that you are not.
Narcissists can be very charming and are thus not easy to spot. They are often very selfish and highly manipulative. Your boyfriend may always put his emotional needs first or manipulate you into sacrificing your wants and needs to make him happy. Narcissists are arrogant, self-centered, and constantly need to be validated.
#11. “You And Me Against The World”
Have you found yourself talking to friends and family less and less? Does he dislike all of your close, trusted friends? A toxic person will try to isolate you from your support system by framing an “us versus them” narrative. This is a glaring red flag that you need to pay attention to.
#12. No Respect For Boundaries
You no longer feel like two individuals making a relationship work and instead find him completely disregarding you as a person. If you’ve started feeling disrespected or are getting your personal space invaded even after you’ve repeatedly communicated how it makes you feel, it’s a warning sign of more troubles to come.
#13. He Reminisces About His Ex
He keeps talking about his ex and trying to recreate his previous relationship with you. There’s a high probability you are his rebound, or he just isn’t over his ex.
#14. Trying To Invade Your Online Privacy
Not everyone has an open-phone policy with their partners. It’s okay to want to keep your online presence private, especially if you haven’t been together that long. If your boyfriend starts snooping and asking for your passwords to access your email or social media accounts, it indicates he has trust issues.
#15. Lack of Communication
In any relationship, communication is key. If every time you try to communicate, your partner shuts down and refuses to start a genuine conversation, it can get exhausting. While he may just not be a talkative person, it’s important to understand that a relationship is doomed without effective communication. If your partner refuses to acknowledge this and to work on opening up, consider it a sign that the relationship will probably have more issues in the future.
#16. Your Friends Don’t Want To Hang Out With Him
When you’re in a relationship, you want your partner to get along with others who are close to you, such as your friends. But if your friends would rather not have him around or seem to often have last-minute appointments, something’s wrong. Your friends know it, and you are about to find out soon.
#17. He Is Your Worst Critic
Feedback can be very constructive. But if your boyfriend’s way of giving feedback is to constantly pull you down and downplay all your achievements, it can significantly affect your self-esteem. He may compliment you on how good you look tonight, but there’s always a negative afterthought that will burst your bubble.
#18. He Treats You Like You’re His Therapist
Couples often depend on each other for emotional support. But that does not mean you become a substitute therapist for your boyfriend.
If your partner expects you to listen to his problems and often vents about his issues but is never emotionally available for you, take a good hard look at your relationship dynamic. Having your partner rely solely on you for their mental health can, in return, deteriorate your mental health.
A little jealousy in a relationship is okay. But unfounded, illogical jealousy can be highly problematic and can cause your partner to act irrationally physically, mentally, and emotionally.
#20. He Doesn’t Treat You As An Equal
In a healthy relationship, both partners have an equal say in decisions that involve their relationship. If he calls all the shots and has a “my way or the highway” mentality, you’re better off leaving this relationship.
#21. No Commitment, No Labels
Some couples don’t like labeling their relationships. But if you’re someone who wants to know where your relationship is headed, you should be able to discuss it with your partner. If your boyfriend won’t make any commitments or even discuss long-term plans, he is not as invested as you are in this relationship.
#22. Verbal Abuse
A form of emotional abuse, verbal abuse can chip away at one’s sense of self-worth. Frequent yelling or screaming, humiliation, guilting you into doing something, degradation, and always putting the blame on you are all signs of verbal abuse.
Verbal abuse can easily escalate to physical abuse. It’s not something to disregard or ignore.
#23. Physical Abuse
Usually, physical and verbal abuse go hand in hand. An abusive partner will gauge how you react to insults and slowly escalate to hitting. Violence in any form is not okay. It is, unfortunately, far too common in relationships.
If you are being physically or verbally abused, talk to a trusted friend or family member and seek help.
#24. Sexual Abuse
Just because you are in a relationship with your boyfriend does not mean that you can’t say no to his sexual advances. If your partner keeps pushing you or guilts you to have sex, it is not okay. No is a full sentence.
Know that you can change your mind even in the middle of having sex. Sexual abuse also applies to your contraceptives being tampered with. If any of this sounds familiar, reach out to your family, friends, or the local women’s shelter and get out of this relationship.
#25. You Don’t Feel Safe With Him
When you’re in a relationship, you expect your partner to make you feel safe and protected. But if you feel anxious, afraid, and overwhelmed when you are alone with your partner, then there’s something wrong.
What Should You Do If You Spot Red Flags?
If you’ve noticed any red flags, take some time to think over the situation. Are the issues you’re observing redeemable, or are they a deal breaker for you? Problems like jealousy or lack of communication can be addressed. Couples or individual therapy can help both of you grow as individuals and as a couple.
Of course, if you’re dealing with any form of abuse, you need to immediately get yourself away from your partner/abuser. Remember, abuse is never your fault. If you need someone to talk to, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.